Big Huge Bubble

I am in a big huge bubble

I see people floating, drifting, further and further away

I grab, I clutch, I am frantic

But nothing is within reach

Soon, they are just tiny specks of black

Evaporating into airless space

I look down, and I see my hands

They're disappearing too

I become lighter and lighter

I become translucent, then transparent

Until I'm no longer

A has been, evaporating into airless space

In a big huge bubble.

 

Slam 2

Apparently door slamming is a culture in China. My neighbours on the same floor do it, my neighbours two floors down do it, the students in the school do it too. Everybody does it! They do it when they're in a good mood, they do it when they're in a foul mood, they do it when they're in any mood and every mood. They think that's the only way to shut the door.

I don't think I will ever get used to it... but then again, you never know. If I ever start doing it, somebody smack me!

Teachin' tales: Our first teaching blog!

Teachin' tales: Our first teaching blog!
I've started a teaching blog with my cousin, Rebecca Toh. It's still under construction at the moment but it should be up and running soon.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

It's officially up! We've put up our first post and also roped in a guest contributor. Check us out when you have the time :)

p/s: If you are a teacher and have got something to say, let us know! Drop us a mail or leave us a comment. We'll get back to you ;)

Happy no more!

Bits and Pieces: What?! So now you've decided to allow access?!
I was ecstatic to find, one fine day, that I could access to Wordpress blogs. I was so happy that I immediately set to work activating my previous blog which was hosted at Wordpress and proceeded to move all contents of Bits and Pieces to Wordpress. I was about to write a "Bits and Pieces is moving!" post when I found, to my dismay, that my happiness was shortlived. As I was trying to save one of my posts on Wordpress, I was returned a "The page cannot be displayed" message. My gut feel told me that very instant that I could kiss all my chances of accessing Wordpress goodbye for as long as I'm in China.

I am not happy. I'm one sleep-deprived (from not being able to tear myself away from my Wordpress blogs), disappointed, cheesed off woman!

What?! So now you've decided to allow access?!

Would you believe that after taking pains to set up this blog here, China has finally decided to allow access to Wordpress blogs (for those of you who are unaware, China has a policy of blocking out most foreign blogging sites as a form of control over information inflow)? Seriously?! It had taken me a long time to convince myself to abandon my Wordpress blog for this one because I really liked the layout and everything. And now they allow access?!

Should I revert to that blog? Should I not? Dilemma, dilemma.

Would you please help me decide? Could you please check out my old blog and tell me if you think it's worth keeping? There isn't much there but I really like the layout and what little amount of work I'd put in before it was at one point rendered inaccessible. Send me a comment to vote, thanks!

Slam!

I love my flat. I really do. But I hate my neighbours. Apparently, the only way they know to close a door is to SLAM it shut REALLY LOUDLY, every single friggin time. There must be at least 5 people staying in that unit across from mine who come home (or leave) at different times everyday thus antagonising me several times a day. Each time, the loud bang resounds through my flat and rattles the unbelievably thin walls.

Once, a lady from said unit came to knock on my door to complain that my TV was too loud. I told her that I wasn't watching TV and that I'd only been playing songs on my computer. I even invited her to step in to ascertain that the sound had not come from my flat. Satisfied that I was not the inconsiderate one, she smiled and left. Later that evening, she found out where the TV sound was really coming from. Having failed to speak to the culprit, she then proceeded to get even by annoying the hell out of the loud TV fellow. This was done by creating an even bigger racket which involved stomping up and down the stairs in her flat (hers is a duplex) and knocking something which I assumed was a broom against her walls and floor, all the while oblivious to the fact that instead of ironing out the initial problem, she had now become part of the problem, if not an even bigger one. To be honest the TV hadn't bothered me that much. Yes, it was loud, but not to the point of being a disturbance. Door-slamming-and-broom-knocking lady, on the other hand, was a different story. Obviously subtle was not a word in her dictionary.

Yes, you guessed it. The door has just been slammed again.

Evening

I stepped out of the office today at 4:40pm. It was still light and the kindergarten and primary school students had just finished for the day and were making their way to the school gate. As I stepped outside the building, I noticed that the cherry blossom trees were already budding. There were tiny white buds on all over the trees. Ahh… spring!

Familiar students waved at me and yelled out "Bye Michelle!" with big grins on their faces. The older students were going to the canteen for their dinner. The little ones were hopping on along behind their parents who were carrying their jackets and school bags. It was a surprisingly warm day and I could feel a warm breeze blowing. There was a lot of activity near the school gate as students walked in and out and played nearby while waiting for their parents. Some parents stood around to wait for their little ones to come out. Along the road right outside, cars were double parked. I could hear students talking and laughing and calling out to one another in the distance and all around me. The day was winding down as evening set in. People were starting to relax, grannies were chatting in small groups with their toddler grandchildren in tow, older children were coming out to play.

As I walked back to my flat, a toddler in the arms of her nanny waved down at me from the window, I waved back. On the ground floor, the men who spent the day at the mahjong table at the small mahjong centre were filing out, no doubt going home for dinner. The little girl whose name I know not, but who waves at me whenever she sees me, was sitting next to her granny who never fails to smile at me. Little girl waved at me the moment she caught sight of me. I smiled, tilted my head and waved back. There was a bounce in my step as I walked up the 5 floors up to my flat. It was a beautiful evening.

Even now, as I'm sitting comfortably with a cup of coffee and typing incessantly away on my computer, I can hear the pleasant sounds of the evening echoing from downstairs all the way up to my flat on the top floor and I can't help but smile. Evening is absolutely my favourite time of the day.

Excuse me, are you a native speaker?

When I read the latest entry by Sharon Bakar in Bibliobibuli, one of her blogs of which I'm a follower, a very interesting question which had always been at the back of my mind sprang forward. It may or may not be a dilemma for any average Malaysian, but it certainly is for me. Being a Malaysian, I practically grew up speaking 3 languages, but which one of it am I a native of?

As children, my sisters and I were looked after by my maternal grandmother (since mum and dad had to work) with whom we spoke mostly in Cantonese. Our command of the language was largely conversational. Any technical terms or poetic structures would've been lost on us. It did help though, that we were always rooted in front of the television at 6pm to catch the TVB drama serials from Hong Kong (which I believe was a common phenomenon in most Chinese households in Malaysia). That was where I picked up my occasional intelligent utterings in Cantonese, the language in which the level of my proficiency would otherwise have been pretty basic.

At the time, the medium of education in school was Bahasa Malaysia (which was called Bahasa Melayu for a while sometime during my secondary school years). In primary, we learned the basic vocabulary but we never used it much at home. In secondary, it got more complex and difficult, but still, we didn't feel the need to use it much. I'm not proud to say that my ability in grasping the national language was slightly below average. I didn't appreciate the language as much as I should have and the reason for using it at all was purely academic. In order to pass the SPM (the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia, a national exam every Form 5 student has to sit for), you'd have to pass BM. So by the time I got to Form 5, I could write, but in a casual conversation, I'd have a problem uttering a decent sentence in complete BM, especially if fluency was of the essense. I was more adept at the bahasa rojak, a sentence made up of a healthy mix of English and basic Malay words and sometimes even a word or two of Cantonese (or Hokkien) when the need arose.

Back in our own home (whenever we weren't at granny's), mum and dad, who went to school when subjects were being taught in the Queen's English were particular about us speaking in proper English and made it essential in our household. I remember when we were still in primary school, mum used to immediately correct us whenever we got our tenses wrong or added a 'lah' at the end our sentences much too often. As we grew older, that stopped, and I believe that was when the problem began. Bahasa rojak frequently found its way into my conversations with friends (and sometimes even with my sisters) and my "proper" English gradually turned into Manglish.

This identity crisis where language is concerned, had always been a question but it was never a problem, well at least not until I decided to be an ESL teacher. If you've ever tried applying for a position as an ESL teacher in a foreign country where English is not widely spoken, like China or Korea, you'd know that one of the most important criterias is that you need to be a native speaker of English, in brackets, from the UK, US, Australia, New Zealand or Canada. Now I don't hail from any of these countries. I'm Asian, and granted, my English is not perfect (so that post really hit a chord!), I still struggle with it sometimes, but I grew up speaking the language at home. It goes without saying that it's naturally the default language in my daily life. I'd pick up a copy of the New Straits Times as opposed to a copy of the Berita Harian or the Nanyang Siang Pau, I'd read the English version of the manual of my new mobile phone, I'd choose to view the website in English whenever I wanted to do online banking, I sms, email and Facebook in English AND I blog in English. You get the picture. So am I a native then? Can I answer to an ad that says "Native speakers only"? And if English is not my native language, what is?

I'm of Chinese descent but never studied Chinese in school. I speak in Cantonese but read and write in English. I come from a country whose first language I studied in school but use very little of. What then, is my native language?

What are your resolutions?

It's that time of the year again. You eat at restaurants that make you pay double the normal price and still put you on the waiting list until the last minute, you drink every possible kind of concoction you can think of and get unbelievably smashed, and you hear the word "Resolutions". Yup. New year, new beginning. What are your new year's resolutions? How many people make resolutions that they actually take seriously?

My BFFs and I have this annual ritual where we write our resolutions on tiny pieces of paper, staple or seal them up in envelopes and commission a "trustee" to hang on to them until a similar gathering the following year to open them up and see if any of them have been achieved. We then proceed to do the same thing for the next year. One year they were kept on the Xmas tree of the BFF whose birthday we were celebrating. Another year it was kept by the one whose flat we went to get blitzed. I don't know who gets to keep them this year or where it's going to be done coz I don't get to participate. This year I'm celebrating New Year's alone here in China. So, it's just me and my trusted apple-green Dell notebook.

Out of habit, I typed up a list anyway. My resolutions are generally the same every year, because they almost always only get half-achieved (I've only paid up and cancelled half of my ridiculous collection of credit cards, and no amount of sleep is ever enough for me anyway, who am I kidding?). This year, however, I've added what I'd like to believe to be a more interesting (and more achievable) one. I read 12 books last year, which averages to about 1 a month. This year I resolve to read 18. Why this comes to be on the list will be mentioned in another post at a later time.

What I'd really like to know is, do people still make resolutions at the beginning of the new year? How many of you out there really set out to achieve these resolutions? Are they the same every year? If you have an interesting or extraordinary one (it may be something simple but extraordinary by your standards), pray share.